Mixed Emotions

This is how I feel today. I have mixed emotions. Why do you ask?
I was all pumped up about losing weight and being active, and now I am going back into my old patterns. After a 3 pound loss last week I started to feel excited about improving myself. But ofcourse I can't be just happy, my low self=esteem ahd to rear it's ugly head and screw it all up again.

Last night I had two piece of Meat Lovers Pizza from Domino's Pizza. Why did I do that after I watched my calories like a hawk earlier? I even got in my 64 ounces of water! I felt so guilty last night that I wanted to throw up. I just got home and didn't feel like cooking because I was so emotionally and physically drained from school.

This morning during my workout I was not into it. I was just going through the motions. It is that time of the month and I always get crabby and emotional and yucky feeling. Could it be this that is bothering me? I think after 5 years of having low self-esteem, I's not magically going to just jump out of this and feel 100% yet.

The title was Mixed Emotions because I also feel good about starting this blog. My husband laughed at me and said, "Who will care what you write?" And I told him that it wasn't for other people , it was for me. Now I have 17 followers, not sure if they read it, but I do get comments. (Which I like=)) So, in your face hubby! People do care!

Confession: I am starting to eat in the car again. Calories still count if no one sees them.

Cheer: I still go tup this morning to do my workout even though I felt like poopoo. I also got in my 64 ounces of water yesterday. I am starting to like the taste of it. I no longer see it as a chore, but kinda as a challenge.