Monday, January 25, 2010

Blast from the Past

Warning: This post contains stuff from my past that I really have never talked about except to my husband. Not even my family knows some stuff.

Last night I had a dream about high school. I know that it has been awhile, but the dreams I have are not good ones.

One of the reasons I think I gained a lot of weight my first year in college is because of some things that happened to me in high school. Boys would always try to grab me in the hallway, in the classroom, before school, after school....It got to the point where some guys only paid attention to me because they wanted something out of it. This one boy that everyone knows (but no names but his initials are A.S) would corner me after school in the hallway or in the empty teachers lounge and try to grab my boobs and force himself on me. I used to hate to stay after school for tutorials with my favorite teacher Mr. Glebe because he was in there too. I would leave for the bathroom and when I would come out he would be standing there waiting to try and get me to do stuff. He didn't want to be my boyfriend, but he thought he could take advantage of me.

It wasn't just him either. All my life I have had boys make fun of me, and then try and touch me in bad places. They didn't want to date me, they just wanted to fool around.

What does this have to do with my weight? Well, I was 120 then, and no one took me seriously. I had big boobs and a little waist. I was just seen as decoration and people thought I was an air head. Hello! I am getting my Master's degree right now!! I thought that if I gained weight the kind of boys who would talk to me would not see the thin me and only want to fool around, but see someone they could date.

Sounds crazy, but it's true.

Confession: My sex life has been affected by my weight gain. I don't feel attractive anymore.

Cheer: It was the weekend and I didn't eat the whole house!! Mostly because we didn't have any food in the pantry and had to go shopping. Donald bought sunflower seeds last night and I didn't eat one. I have noticed a difference since I stopped eating them=)

1 comment:

  1. I'll kick his ass. He's a jerk. I wish you could have told me cause I would've suffocated him and stuffed him in the trash! You are a strong person and you can withstand anything! Do your best to get past those memories and realize you can conquer them.


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