Bad Weekend

Let's just pretend that this weekend never happened.

Let's just say that whatever crap I ate didn't exist.

I have felt in the dumps since a lot of stress has happened at work on Friday. One of my kids was caught with a knife. Who knows what is going to happen to him. He was one of my favorites. Also, one of my kids was found with cigarettes and was suspended for two days last week. He is also the one who got a ticket over the summer for fighting and came to school on the first day with a gash on his forhead, his family was just kicked out of their home, and he has si much anger for everyone around him. I also found out that one of my boys who is always in trouble, now has no lights at his house. His mom just had a baby and his dad was deported a few months before the baby was born. Now at 12, he has to be the man of the house. Yes, they are sixth graders.

Mix that sorrow with a low self-esteem right now, and you just have a weekend full of bad food choices. Not the best weekend ever for weightloss.

However, I will not let this take me down. I will prevail, and come out of this sorrow and get back on track.

We are going shapping for food today and I told my husband that we had to get fresh fruits and veggies for the whole week so I have no choice but to eat them and not crap.

Confession: I ate a whole bag of Hersheys Hugs in my bed. And I had coke that was not diet. Not looking forward to weigh in on Tuesday.

Cheer: I see what my problems are and chose to fix them and move on, then drown myself in more bad foods. Like I did before this journey.

Weight Gain in Photo Form

Here are some photos of me that show my weight gain journey. Some of these photos make me realize how big I had actually gotten. I remember when I first got these photos developed and giving excuse after excuse of why I was so chubby.

This photo was from when Donald and I first started dating. I weighed about 140 in this photo.

This was right after I had my first son. I weighed 180 when I had him and then I went back to 145 ish.

This is me at my sons first birthday. I was back up to about 170-180? When I saw this picture I cried. I had gained like 40 pounds in a year.

This is me at my college graduation. I was about 180. I'm not sure, since I kinda didn't want to know.

This is a picture from our 2nd anniversary where we went on a cruise. Let's just say I felt fat the whole cruise. Everyone wa sin pretty dresses and bikinis. I didn't even wear my suit.

This is the most recent picture I have. Casey was just born a few months after this picture was taken. I am about 190- 195. My heaviest.

A Little Worried

It 's gettting closer to weigh in day (Tuesday) amd I'm a little worried. I haven't been the best this past week. My workouts have been awesome and a ton of fun, but my eating hasn't been on track like it is supposed to be. I feel like a failure.

I know to not beat myself up about it, but that high that I feel after losing weight has really started to feel good. I want my husband to be proud of me. I know he is because he likes to pick on me when I'm working out, but then he will say something like, "At least your doing soemthing!" I know that sounds like he is being mean, but that is how his personality is. He likes to poke fun at me, and vise versa.

I really am proud of myself for getting up in the mornings and working out, but today is not going so great. Saturday, and Donald is at work. That leaves me here with a bunch of bad stuff to eat and no one to keep me away.

Confession: We ate out last night. After being on a budget and eating at home so much, pay day means eat out day.

Cheer: I worked out yesterday morning and felt great all day long! I plan on working out this afternoon when kiddos are taking their nap!

Two Steps Back, a Giant Leap Forward

Yesterday was a Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Bad Day!!

I woke up in a bad mood and all day that is how it stayed. I was so upset that I let my mind control my body and I ate crap all day long. My two steps back is that I ate fast food not once, but twice yesterday and one time was at 9:00 last night!! I know, gasp in horror.

My one giant leap forward though is that I didn't let it ruin everything I am going for. Last night I went to my On Demand channels and found a whole fitness section! I was getting bored of my old workout videos and was upset that I didnt have the money to go out and buy new ones! Here they are!!

This was one of my favorites. I did it this morning. Kicked my booty!!

I feel fantastic!!!

So, now I need to go take some asrin because my body is calling out, "I hurt!! But thanks!!" I would recommend this workout video to anyone.

Confession: I lost sight of my goals for a day and ate crap.

Cheer: I didn't let it take over for good. I worked out in front of my hubby!!

Ehhh

Today won't be a long post. I had a bad day yesterday when it came to food. I had a donut, two cookies, and had snacks I shouldn't have had. I didn't do enough to screw up my weight, but I still feel yucky.

I have been getting in more water throughout the day. I never really did that before, so that's good.

I had a dream last night that turned into a nightmare. I've been up since 3am, so no workout this morning. I think today is just going to be not a good one. We shall see.

Just kinda feeling down in the dumps right now. Ready for the week to be over. I have a lot to do this weekend workout wise if I want to continue with a good weightloss for the week.

Confession: Not feeling motivated right now.

Cheer: I'm not going to quit.

Bad Day

Yesterday was a sad day for weightloss. I really just threw everything out the door. I had to sit and watch 15 kids take a practice TAKS test and it was horrible. I sat there and almost ate a whole bag of sunflower seeds. I also ate a cookie at lunch with my salad.

I was so bored yesterday all I wanted to do was eat. To top off the day, we went to Cicis pizza last night for dinner. At that point I really didn't care. I did realize what I was doing and I did think about it the whole time I was eating. This is a step in the right direction. I used to just stuff my face and not think about what I would have to do the next day to make up for it. Now I do.

On a happier note, to make up for yesterday, I did a 30 minute cardio workout this morning. I feel good. I think I am going to start waking up at 5 instead of 5:30 to get that 30 minute workout in the morning when the boys are still asleep. I did just want to roll over and go back to bed, but I didn't, and now I am soo happy with my choice!

Confession: CiCi's and Sunflower seeds

Cheer: I am starting to visualize my goal weight and goal body. "When you can see it, you can do it. If you just believe it, there's nothing to it!"

Weigh in Day

Here we go!!

Starting Weight: 189
Last Weeks Weight: 187.6
This Weeks Weight: 185.8
Total Lost: 3.2

So, I am super excited about losing 1.8 this week! I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know it won't always be like this, so I need to soak in all of these positive vibes.

I did have a mess up yesterday. I had a bag of m&ms after school during out faculty meeting. I was trying so hard to not eat any chocolate, but my stress level hit an all time high yesterday. As I was eating, though, I was already trying to figure out how I was going to work off the calories that I was eating. Calories in, calories out.

Today we have a TAKS Benchmark shutdown. Basically a practice run for the real thing. All day I have to sit and stare at kids taking a test. I can't even get on the computer!!

Confession: Also, before I had the m&ms I had 5 tootsie rolls! I was so needing comfort sugar yesterday!!

Cheer: I lost weight and I feel great about it!!

Blast from the Past

Warning: This post contains stuff from my past that I really have never talked about except to my husband. Not even my family knows some stuff.

Last night I had a dream about high school. I know that it has been awhile, but the dreams I have are not good ones.

One of the reasons I think I gained a lot of weight my first year in college is because of some things that happened to me in high school. Boys would always try to grab me in the hallway, in the classroom, before school, after school....It got to the point where some guys only paid attention to me because they wanted something out of it. This one boy that everyone knows (but no names but his initials are A.S) would corner me after school in the hallway or in the empty teachers lounge and try to grab my boobs and force himself on me. I used to hate to stay after school for tutorials with my favorite teacher Mr. Glebe because he was in there too. I would leave for the bathroom and when I would come out he would be standing there waiting to try and get me to do stuff. He didn't want to be my boyfriend, but he thought he could take advantage of me.

It wasn't just him either. All my life I have had boys make fun of me, and then try and touch me in bad places. They didn't want to date me, they just wanted to fool around.

What does this have to do with my weight? Well, I was 120 then, and no one took me seriously. I had big boobs and a little waist. I was just seen as decoration and people thought I was an air head. Hello! I am getting my Master's degree right now!! I thought that if I gained weight the kind of boys who would talk to me would not see the thin me and only want to fool around, but see someone they could date.

Sounds crazy, but it's true.

Confession: My sex life has been affected by my weight gain. I don't feel attractive anymore.

Cheer: It was the weekend and I didn't eat the whole house!! Mostly because we didn't have any food in the pantry and had to go shopping. Donald bought sunflower seeds last night and I didn't eat one. I have noticed a difference since I stopped eating them=)

Honesty is the Best Policy

Time for me to be real again. Since honesty is the best policy, I have decided to post my measurements. I took these right after the first of the year. I was pretty upset because Donald had some measurements that were snaller than mine. I should not be bigger than my husband. Here I go:

Pant Waist: 43 inch
Natural Waist: 42 inch
Upper Thigh: 26 inch
Boobs: 44.25 inch

And there you have it. My measurements.

On a good note, we went to a mexican food place last night with Donald's parents and I didn't eat any of the chips and salsa (even when the ordered queso). My mom-in-law asked me if I wanted some and I said no. I also had a diet coke (I dont trust water from a place I can't see) and I didn't have a refill. When I was tempted to eat all of the rice and beans but my tummy said I was full, I placed my napkin over the food so I could no longer see it and now it was dirty from my napkin. Yeah!!

Confession: My self-esteem is at an all time low right now. I am starting to see the light, but our money situation isn't helping me. I don't think I will be able to buy food next week that I need to stay on track. It will be hard.

Cheer: I passed the mexican food test=)

I Feel Good Today

Like my title says, I feel good today. Yesterday was a pretty good day and I didn't give into my craving for sunflower seeds and chocolate.

At school the Life Skills class was selling tostadas for a fundraiser. They also had dessert with the meal and get this, I GAVE MY CAKE AWAY!!! Can you believe it? I was so proud. I also asked for a Diet Coke instead of the regular ones she had out. They didn't have any water and I didn't have any change for the coke machine. I know that fake sugar is bad for you, but I really didn't want to have a regular soda since I havent had one in over a week.

Today, I plan on taking the boys for a walk when it starts to warm up a little. We are going to the big playground that is like a half mile form the house instead of the little one two blocks away. Should be fun=)

Last night I had a crazy craving to just sit on my butt in front of the tv and eat sunflower seeds and drink a regular coke, so I called my brother and talked through it. It seemed to work.

Confession: I was looking at old photos of me and started to cry a little. I miss being able to wear cute clotes. Yesterday was pajama day at school and felt fat all day long. I was not in a happy place.

Cheer: I turned down the chocolate cake! I also worked through a craving instead of giving in!

Why?

Why does your stomach have control over your mind? I am telling it you don't need pizza, but my stomach just doesn't listen!

Why after having a great day of feeling good about myself, do I sabatoge myself and go eat CiCi's pizza? I wanted to go see my friend Allison and her family and our place to meet has always been CiCi's pizza, but I shouldn't go there because it is a buffet!

I must say that even though we went there, I actually kept myself in check. When I used to go I could eat like 30 pieces of pizza. Last night I think I had 6 small pieces. And I didn't go back for dessert! My favorite thing there is the brownies, but I stood my ground and didn't give in. No sweets for two weeks! I did have a diet coke because I don't like water that comes form one of those machines. I know what you are thinking, Diet Coke after eating all of that pizza, why not go all out? Well, I was afraid that if I had Dr. Pepper, I would go at it like a crazy lady. I didn't go back for a second fill up of drink, so that is good.

I'm staying on track. I did a workout video this morning before I got on the computer to try an work off th guilt from last night. It took all of my energy to get out of bed to do it, but I did!

Confession: The pizza tasted really good!
Cheer: I did not have the tempting brownie and I haven't had any sunflower seeds in three days!

A Good Day

Today was a good day for weightloss. I was not tempted to drink anything but water, and I didn't have any sweets! I am so proud!!

We had a Rodeo Committee meeting last night and I was sooo proud. I turned down the free alcohol, the potato salad, and the brownie!! I even think Donald was a little shocked about the brownie thing. It was hard, but I didn't want something like that ruin my good day. He even got me a coke to drink and I asked him to go back and get me a bottle of water and I gave the coke to the kid.

It wasn't easy yesterday, but I made it. I realized that I kept myself busy and didn't have the time to think about all the foods I can't or shouldn't eat.

And Lachlan, I am not trying to starve myself on purpose. I just have not been planning my snacks good enough. Also, we were in Physics II together. Do you not remember me starring at Glebe with a blank look on my face? LOL

Confession: There is an uneaten Cadberry Egg in the desk drawer of my desk at home. It is calling my name right now, but I will not falter. Uneaten is the key word here. I bought it before I went on the diet and was going to save it for later.

Cheer: No cokes and no sweets!! Yeah!!!

Starving

I have to figure something out. The mealplan only allows you to eat fruits and veggies as snacks for th next two weeks. Basically, a detox of packaged food. Do you know how hard that is? Sure, I look forward to having my orange in the afternoon, but I feel full for only about an hour and then I am starving! I also had baby carrots as my mid morning snack and I was starving just an hour after that. I will admit that I sent one of my kids for a diet coke yesterday because I was about to insane from hunger.

I know its going to take awhile for my body to adjust to not having something to eat all the time like it used to, but man does this suck. I am used to justy eating when I feel like it. Also, I need to start up my hobby again of hook rugging because I need something to do when watching tv or I am going to go crazy. It used to be sunflower seed time, but I told Donald to get it away from me last night.

Confession: I had a diet coke and I even slipped and had a bag of Skittles. I was starving!!!
Cheer: I did not have any sunflower seeds last night and I bought two waters at lunch. And I turned down the unhealthy snack for after school tutorials (but now I need to remember to bring one form home because I was starving!!!)

Weigh in Day

Well, I feel somewhat of a victory.

Starting Weight: 189
Last Week's Weight: 189
This Week's Weight: 187.6
Total Lost: 1.4

Damn sunflower seeds!!! I knew they would catch up with me sooner or later!! This morning I woke up at 4 for some reason and I was so excited about weigh in this morning that I weighed myself. I was 186. When I woke up again at 5:00 I weighed 187.6. What had happened between that time for my to gain weight? It was those damn sunflower seeds I was eating last night. It was all of that salt!!! Growl!! NO MORE!!!

I lost and I shouldn't get upset that it was a low number. Keep it positive!! (I'm trying to convince myself even though I want to cry)

Anyways, today is my official day to start the Mayo Clinic Diet. I have spent all weekend reading up on it and becoming familiar with it. I have practiced eating only fruits and veggies for snacks. It was hard to do yesterday sitting at home with nothing to do. We shall see how it goes!!

Confession: I had sunflower seeds last night (but no more!!!)
Cheer: I worked out yesterday using the Biggest Loser 2 workout video. Man was my heart pumping!!

Guilt and Hope

Yesterday I felt really guilty because I had....McDonalds for lunch. Donald had gotten home from cleaning up at the cookoff and he was too tired to go anywhere to eat. I suggested Subway, but something in me wanted McDonalds. I tried fighting it off, but it won. The whole time I was eating it, the guilt consumed me and I didn't enjoy the food like I used too. I know I was going to have to write about it and everyone would see what I had done. I also felt guilt for myself because I know how hard I had tried this weekend. I felt like I had let myself down.

There is hope though! I threw out the rest of my Dr. Pepper. The guilt was so bad that I didn't even finish it. I also drank two waters to try and help counteract the Dr. Pepper. Today I had two hard boiled eggs and half a wheat bagel with a tablespoon of peanut butter. I also had a 1/2 cup of 1% milk.

There is hope because yesterday at the store I stuck with my meal plan and wouldn't let Donald upset me. He kept giving me looks when I would pile on the fruits and veggies. Thats the only snack I get so I am going to get a whole bunch of them!! He also gave me dirty looks when I bought my bagels. He sees all of this as a waste of money. Maybe after I lose a couple more pounds from this he will be a little bit more supportive.

Confession: I had MCDonalds for lunch and I am still working on my addiction to sunflower seeds.

Cheer: I bought a ton of veggies and fruits for snack this week and I made a meal plan that will work in my diet plan and it will still taste good!!

Tomorrow is my weigh in date!!

Yeah for me!!

So, normally on a cookoff weekend I am not able to move today from all of the crap I ate over the weekend. But not this time!!!

I am soooo proud of myself for not eating a funnel cake, drinking soda, eating potato salad, and drinking alcohol. Yeah for me!! It was hard though. I'm not gonna lie. I wanted to eat the whole gallon of potato salad, but I didn't.

My knees are killing me because I walked around the cookoff all weekend. I know they hurt because of my weight. I am too young to have bad knees. I tried to make an effort and walk around a lot. I didn't meet my goal of walking for thirty minutes straight, but it was raining all weekend and it's hard to do that with kids.

I did win sixth place in beans out of thirty!!

Confession: I am craving CiCi's pizza and all I want to go is eat the whole buffet!!

Cheer: I have not had any soda!!! Yeah for me!!!

The solution

After all these years of trying new fad diets and diet pills, yesterday I have found the soultion to all of my problems. It is called: The Mayo Clinic Diet.

Now, I know what you are thinking, its just another fad diet. But I think that they titles it wrong. It should just be called Common Sense.

The premise of this diet plan is to adopt 5 healthy habits and break 5 bad habit when it comes to food and excercise. Sounds easy right? Wel, one of the habits is no sugar unless it is found in fruit. Hmmmm...

I thought I would try and give it ago and already my outlook is better on this whole losing weight thing! Let's see how far I can go on this diet and see if I can follow the habits. They say you can lose like 10 pounds in 2 weeks, just by doing these habits.

Confession: Yesterday I had two bags of m&m's (before I read the book). Plus, I also skipped breakfast (a big no no).

Cheer: I did not have my mini Dr. Pepper. I gave it away. After reading the book I didn't want it anymore. Plus, at the cookoff last night, I didn't have any alcohol. Because alcohol is sugar, and the book says no sugar=) I was so proud of myself for not even having a Dr. Pepper at the cookoff!!

Harder than I thought

So, here I am being real again. It is so easy to put on the weight and it is ten times harder to take it off. I am frustrated because its like I take a giant leap forward just to fall into a giant black pit.

I am talking about us going out to eat last night. It has been two weeks since we have gone out and I was going crazy. A few months ago we were eating out every meal. Not because I can't cook for my family ( I have the last two weeks). I think its because I was so tired all the time from being over weight that I didn't care. My legs have started to hurt, my back has shoots of pain, and I was even starting to get black circles under my eyes. I even have three huge pimples on my chin!! I am not a teenager anymore!!

I honestly had a met down the other morning becuase a could not fit into one of my fvorite pairs of pants that I could a couple of weeks ago. They had just come out of the dryer and I was just feeling extra fat that morning. I was not happy. I couldn't find my fat sucker inner and so I just threw the pants down and had a mini hissy fit. I did not like what I saw in the mirror that morning. Yesterday was a little better.

Confession: I hate a hamburger, fries, and a large cherry coke for dinner last night, but afterwards felt sick because I hadn't had that much greese in awhile.

Cheer: I forgot my lunch yesterday at home so I ordered a salad from the school instead of goint to the snack bar for my favorite pizza. I even had a botle of water and didn't order a cookie!!

A little Hicup

So, I thought yesterday was a good day. I woke up early again and decided to dust off my Biggest Loser Workout 2 video and give it a try. I have always heard that working out in the morning can change the rest of your day and I think they are right. Lately, I have been in a better mood at work and towards my family members. I have more energy and I have even been going to bed earlier. Last night I stayed up to watch the Rockets win though. Yeah!!

Now...here were my problems yesterday. Not every day can be perfect. Especially when it comes to weightloss. I had a bag of skittles. Now my thinking is that yes it is sugar, but it wasn't chocolate. So...do I count it as eating sugar?? I am trying to do away with chocolate, not forever because that is crazy talk, but at least for a few weeks.

I really liked the confession and cheer thing I did on my second post because it makes me take one step back and two steps forward, so I think Im going to end all of my posts that way.

Confession: I had a bag of skittles and it was yummy...and I am addicted to sunflower seeds. I can go through a whole BIG bag in a day. Yesterday we bought some at Walmart and I sat on the couch and ate some. I know you are cringing thinking about the sodium content. I am too (as the bag sits next to me on the desk calling out my name to munch on a few).

Cheer: You can be happy to know that right now I am not munching on sunflower seeds. I am eating an orange. They were 40 cents at Walmart yesterday, so our whole trip to there was not a failure. Also, I still went a whole day with only one 8 oz Dr. Pepper. It was yummy too. I almost slipped after school when I saw a teachers kid with a coke in the hallway, but thank God I didn't have any change in my purse. So, yeah me!

Quick Post

Just a quick post to say thank you to everyone out there who is supporting me. When I told my husband I was going to go public about my weght problems he wasn't to sure. He said, what if you fail? Everyone is going to know. I told him that's what I need. I need the motivation.
We tried a new wardrobe, a cruise, a nice dinner date out, but nothing seemed to work.

This post is titled "Quick Post" because I need to get off and use one of my work out videos before work!

Confession: I had a hand full of Salt and Black Pepper chips
Cheer: I did not have any chocolate yesterday and I didn't die!! And I had only one 8 oz coke instead of a hundred!!

A Confession and a Cheer

Starting Weight: 189
Last weeks Weight: 191.6
Thiw weeks Weight: 189

So last week I gained weight and now I have lost that weight and I'm back to square one again. I guess I should be happy that I didn't gain weight. Look on the bright side, right?

So....my post is titled "A Confession and a Cheer" because I need to confesss my bad habit and cheer the good stuff that happnened yestersday.

Confession: I ate the chocolate that was in my desk! I woke yesterday with a goal to not eat chocolate, but when I opened my drawer to find a pen, my secret stash was calling me to eat it. And I did.

Cheer: I siad in my earlier post that I love Dr. Pepper and could drink about five a day. Well, I went to the store and bought those 8 oz. mini Dr. Peppers and brought one for lunch. That is the only carbinated beverage I had yesterday! Those 8 little ounces was all I needed to feed my craving! I didn't stop on the way home and get one at McDonalds and when I went into Walmart to return my Red Box movie, that's all I did! I am so proud of myself!!

So...a confession and a cheer. That was how my day was yesterday. Now I am about to go make breakfast. The most important meal of the day, right?

First Things First

First, I would like to say that this journey is not going to be easy. So, if you are reading this and decide to come back, then you are in for a ride. I am 25 years old and have eaten my way from 120 pounds to 189 pounds of pure sugar and Dr. Pepper.

Like my title says, First Things First.

When I graduated from high school in 2002 I weighed 120. My first year of college, I gained 20 pounds. I kept that same weight until about 2005 when I met the man who is now my husband. His lifestlye became mine and I ate what he ate. Junk food and fast food.

In 2005 I had my first child and was up to 180. I lost the weight quick, but it slowly came back over time. Now in 2009 I had my second child and lost some weight quick, and since July I have gained most of the weight back, if not more.

I will let you know now. I am addicted to sugar (mostly chocolate) and Dr. Pepper. It has gotten to the point where I hide chocolate in the house and eat it in the car when no one is around. I have about 10 wrappers of Reeses Big cups under the front seat of my car. I drink about three Dr. Peppers a day (better then the five or six I was drinking in college) and I can't remember the last time I had a glass of water.

I have posted a before picture of myself and I hope to add more pictures of myself throughout this process. The woman in this picture feels crappy when she goes out shopping, eats when she bored, tires, and stressed, and does not like the person she sees in the mirror.

By writing this blog I hope to see myself for what I am and not hide anything. This is where I will air my dirty laundry, and hopefully post when I do something amazing.

No more excuses...no more feeling bad for myself...no more blaming my weight on others...Here is my Journey to Weightloss.