Update

Okay, first I wanted to say sorry for the post yesterday. It was kinda a downer. Here is the update.

He didn't leave. I knew and he knew he wouldn't. After about 30 minutes of the silent treatment, dinner was ready and we started talking again. I didn't bring up the car or the job any more after that. The kids woke up and things started to get back to normal.

I knew there was something else other than the money that was bothering him about the job. I wouldn't take the job if it was something bigger than money. I was right. There was.

Around 11 o'clock last night when I finally get into bed, he starts to cry. (he would die if he knew I wrote that!) and he said that he wanted me to be happy and that it wasn't him just being a jerk...he just was scared to have someone else watch the boys other than his mom or the other babysitter we have right now because he didn't know any of these people and he's scared something bad will hppen to them. Understandable. All he had to do was tell me that!

He also told me that his mom was really upset that her boys wern't there because she just had surgery and can't watch them. He really loves his mom a lot and so do I. We may see things differently sometime, but she really is good for my kids. I told him that I hope that my boys will love me as much as he loves his...and he said he knew they would. That was so nice=)

He also did something that he hasn't done in awhile. When I got in bed he just wrapped his arms around me and just held me. Usually he tries to go further and I have to beat him off with a stick. LOL.

I knew there was something else that was the problem. After 5 years of marriage, I know that me and my hubby are in it for the long run. I told him that we are too good for each other to fight so much. He agreed.

Thanks for everything guys. I am feeling much better and the next post will be a great one!

Confession: All of this stress has be going towards sunflower seeds. My tears are so salty that it burns my eyes!! I need to get over this funk and get rid of the seeds!

Cheer: I took off today so I can go pick up my race packet and then it is off to see my mom, dad, brother, his grilfriend, my grandma, and uncle. I can't wait!! The race is tomorrow!! LOL

Really stressed

Life is just getting complicated. Fighting with hubby is getting worse. It all comes down to me wanting the perfect job for me and him being a jackass about it. I'm really upset about it because jobs jobs like this don't come around that often and I am really unhappy in the position I am right now. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the teachers I work with, but the kids are horrible. I work in a ghetto part of Houston with a ton of gangs, drugs, and violence. I don't want my kids to grow up with it, so this job would be perfect for me. The area is better, they could attend the same school as me, and the commute is 100 times better.

All it boils down to is that my husband wants a really expensive car. I found a sitter who would watch the boys for the same price I am watching them now, so money is no longer the problem. Then what is it? He can't give me a really good excuse on why I shouldn't get this new job. Money is no longer a problem. I just don't get it.

So after a temper tantrum where he threw stuff around the house and stomped around yelling, he is now packing his stuff up and going who knows where. I'm just going to let him act all big and bad. Don't worry, the kiddos are asleep right now, so they don't see us fighting.

I will let you know more later.

Confession: I am super depressed now. I really could care less what I am eating.

Cheer: I started a Weightloss Program at my school and on Monday we have our first meeting. I have 12 people signed up and I made this really cool powerpoint and everything! I will post Monday night how it went. Wish me luck!

Sick

I wish I could report that I have been a warrior the past few days, but I have been stressed and tired.

My food intake has improved during the day....still working on the nighttime meals. My exercise has sucked because my head feels like it could explode any minute. I just feel like a truck has runned me over.

I am stressed out at work because things aren't going too well. I am a teacher and the kids are just horrible. Gangs, violence, and disrespect is what I have to deal with on a regular basis. It's starting to wear down on me. There is a new job that would be perfect for me that I kinda already applied for, but I would have to start paying for a Daycare for two kids. My mother-in-law watches my kids right now for super cheap and this new job is closer to my house (5 minute drive) and further from her house (45 minute drive) so we would have to pay a Daycare. This wouldn't be a problem if my hubby didn't need a new car. Well, a new used car. His is about to die. So...it's either him a new car or me a new job. I wish it was a simple decision, but with him, nothing is simple. I don't want him to keep driving the car he has, but this new job is a librarian job at an elementary school that my kids could go to. It's the perfect job...but I dont think we can afford it.

I am just really stressed out!

Thanks for listening to me.

Confession: I had chicken strips and french fies for dinner. I haven't been getting up to work out in the mornings either.

Cheer: I ate a salad for lunch yesterday and I plan on eating another one today!

Square One...almost

This is a hard post to write, but...it has to be done.

Well, if you have ever seen my ticker, you would have seen that I had lost 4.6 pounds on this journey. Now you see that it is 0 pounds lost. I thought I would be honest with myself and my fellow weightloss bloggers friends and say that  have gained that weight back. I have note been keeping track of my food intake at all and have given into the fast food, sweets, and sodium. I feel so yucky right now. My body feels physically ill due to all of the crap that I have been shoveling into my body.

I feel horrible because I used to have such great posts on here, but if you have been a follower for long, you know that they haven't been the best lately. Sorry about that. I feel like I am letting myself and my family down. When I started this journey I was all into it and excited, but the stresses of life happened and now I am back to square one.

Almost.

I say almost because this fall back is not like the others. If this had happened two months ago, I would still be in a funk. I am not. I am more motivated to get back on track. I have a 5k race on Saturday to get ready for! I also have lost 2 pant sizes! I gave away my size 14's and my 12's have holes in them, so I can't just stop now! I would have nothing to wear! LOL

So, with the truth out there, I feel better. I don't feel like I have to lie to you guys. You are so awesome! I hope I can live up to what I want to be. I know I can live up to what I want to be.

April Goals: 1. To get back on track food wise. 2. To get back on track exercise wise 3. Lose back my weight gain 4. Lose 6 more inches overall

That feels much better. I am ready to re-start my journey yet again.

Confession: I ate my way back to being 189 pounds.

Cheer: I got up early this morning and did a workout video called Bollywood Dance. I know this is my go-to workout because it always gets me happy about working out in the mornings. I also fessed up to something that has been weighing on my chest for about two weeks now. Something I wouldn't have done before.

And the winner is....

And the winner to my first ever giveaway is....Tania from the blog The road back to being me!! Congratulations and thanks to everyone who entered my giveaway!! I will have to do one once a month because it was so much fun!!

Tania, you have won a ONE YEAR SUBSCRIPTION TO HEALTH MAGAZINE!! Just send me an e-mail at lgokey02@gmail.com with your name and address and you should get your first magazine in four to five weeks!!

Googie, how did you choose your winner? Good question! I officially had 10 entries into my contest (sad it was such a low number) and I went to this website where I put it one winner and 10 entries and hit pick random number and the number 6 was picked....so Tania was my sixth comment!!

Congrats!!

Happy Easter everyone!!

Confession: I ate a huge steak at Applebees today!

Cheer: I am really looking forward to getting back on track this month. I will post my goals tomorrow for inches and maybe weight!!

Last Chance

This is just a reminder that today is the last day to enter my first giveaway!! Click here to enter!! It is a one year subscription to HEALTH magazine. At the end of the year you can cancel or decide to pay for it if you want to continue!! You have until MIDNIGHT tonight to enter.

I will post a better post tomorrow. I'm a horrible mother and we still haven't made eggs for the Easter Bunny!!!!

Confession: I had the best cake at a Baby Shower today, and since I got home so late....we went to Cici's pizza for dinner.

Cheer: My size 10 pants are starting to feel roomy!!

Ugly Cupcake Society

Thanks to the Chunky Chick for this awesome honor!! I love reading her blog, you should go check it out!!

1. Scroll down the right side of my blog until you get to the badge and then post it on your blog wherever you like. Please use the html code to link back to The Fat Chick Weigh so others can also read the rules.

2. Write a post on your blog about why you are an Ugly Cupcake. See THIS POST from the Fat Chick Weigh if you want more info on that and/or the history of the UGLY CUPCAKE SOCIETY.

3. Leave a comment @ The Fat Chick Weigh's most current post saying you want to be added to the list of members.

4. Leave a comment in the most current post or send me a little message HERE including the name you want me to use.

So...why am I in the Ugly Cupcake Society...

Well, I was always thin as a child. In high school I was a knockout. I would wear short skirts and low cut tops and scoot my little booty all over school. Not only was I drop dead gorgeous, I was also super smart and super nice to everyone. Then...came college. My mommy wasn't there to tell me what to eat and to put down the Dr. Pepper and I gained the freshman 15 and then some. I did not do any physical activity at all. And I mean at ALL. I slowly started putting on the pounds and ignored my mothers mean spirited comments about my weightloss. I started to notice that the boys wern't jumping over chairs to sit by me anymore. At parties I wanted to hide in the corner because I couldn't find anything cute to wear. It didn't help that my roommate was stick thin and blonde. I eventually met a guy at the end of my freshman year and dated him for two years. I slowly put more weight on until I didn't even recognize my old self. Where had I gone? What happened to that bubbly girl that everyone loved and wanted to be? My relationship wasn't the best in the world. He was emotionally abbusive and didn't believe in God. When I was thinking he was going to pop the question...he broke up with me and started to date a girl half my size the very next day. Two years of my life gone! Just to be replaced by her. About 4 months later I met the man who is now my husband of almost 5 years. I ended up getting pregnant about 5 months into our relationship. 2 babies later I am 70 pounds heavier than I was when I graduated high school.

I am proud to be a muffin because I am not the same person as I was when I was a cupcake. I have grown SOOO much since those years. If I hadn't become a muffin I wouldn't have met my husband or had two beautiful children. So, I am proud to be an UGLY CUPCAKE!! I will always be a muffin, but hopefully in a smaller size=)

4. Nominate 5 people to join the Ugly Cupcake Society.


- Have them click on the badge you posted to your blog to bring them here for the rules.
Some of you have laready seen this, so it might be repeated for some of you. Here they are!

1. Cincimom because she knows all about being a mommy!!

2. Looking in the Mirror because I LOVE reading her blogs. Even the short ones=)

3. Weddings and Weightloss who knew me when I was a cupcake!

4. Fashion Meets Food because she is just so trendy!!

5. Fat Girl Confessions because she is one of my newest blogs to join and she was in colorguard like me!